1. I am enjoying a sense of quiet smugness over something obvious and apparently trivial that is actually quite a big deal for me. I’ve reached a point where I feel reasonably plugged in to the local mommy network. Actual friendships are still scarce, and I’m definitely not Well Connected, but… anywhere parents gather I will have people to greet and chat with; I can chat auf Deutsch, sogar (schlechter Deutsch, aber trotzdem); I’ve even been able to arrange a liftshare for Dude’s new playgroup. (He goes to a local one, where we walk, and now also a playgroup on a farm, which is a 10min drive. Having to drive him there only, instead of there and back, adds half an hour to my working time.) Also, we finally got a coffee/playdate invitation to the Nice Family.* So yay me.
2. Some Swiss parents give their children English names but pronounce them in very un-English ways (eg El-LEN). This is particularly confusing for me when it’s RrrrOB-in. Having gotten used to that kid, I find it hard to pronounce my own name normally when my mouth is in the shape of German.
3. Motherhood has done TERRIBLE things to my body. I mean, it’s largely self-inflicted, not intrinsic to the motherhood experience, but none the less. I was bad at pregnancy (felt like crap, ate like crap, didn’t exercise) and picked up a lot of weight both times; plus the whole middle of my body basically turned to porridge. I don’t know exactly why babies should = total loss of core strength, but it is so. (My leg and arm strength is aces though, because constant walking and lifting.) And then breastfeeding and toddler feeding (constant snacks, clearing their plates etc) and lack of time or energy for exercise and basically I’m a physical disaster zone now. And then to make matters worse? Bloody WEANING. Suddenly all those bad habit calories, with the snacks and the toddler plate clearing, can’t be passed on to anybody else.
I’m not a fan of complaining about my size (for oh so many reasons, not least that it is BORING), and I don’t plan to do it again on this blog. But just today, let me publicly state: this shit has to change. Body acceptance is all very well but if I keep rapidly getting bigger, well… apart from anything else, I don’t have the budget for constant clothes shopping!
So – having promised myself years ago that I was never going to diet again – I’m trying to reset my default from “yes please” to “no thank you” and eat like a reasonable person. That’s really my only guideline (well, that and more fruit & veg, because I really need them). I’m not into self-denial. And I think that principle has been helpful and I’ve definitely been eating less and better for the last 10 days and that’s great and all but WHY AREN’T MY JEANS ANY BLOODY LOOSER?
I just had to get that out.
4. Dude won’t nap for me any more, only for Daddy. Since Daddy is usually at work in the middle of the day, this is Inconvenient.
No. No, it’s not just that. It’s INFURIATING. Armin can put him to sleep in 5 minutes flat, but let me try? Screaming, drama, complete impossibility.
It’s. Not. FAIR!
5. Overall this has not been a great week, for largely self-inflicted and certainly interconnected reasons, viz, lack of sleep/too much Twitter/lack of focus/general malaise and frustration. All leaving me feeling a powerful and mildly depressing longing for a healthy dose of Quiet Time: like a week to just sleep/knit/read/avoid people. The “depressing” part is because my life doesn’t really allow for such indulgence basically ever. Until maybe 16 years from now. (But hey. Maybe I can save up for a quiet weekend somewhere by myself, though not a whole week. At least I’m no longer breastfeeding.)
* This sounds a bit more social climber than it is! But when Elfling was allocated to her school, I heard from at least three different people: “Oh that’s good, she’ll be in S’s class, that’s a Really Nice Family.” And it’s true, they are (once I even randomly met the grandmother at the bus stop and she was Really Nice too), and S’s mother was apparently also happy to have Elf in the class. But so far I haven’t had much chance to get to know them, so am pleased to be doing so at last. Also, S is refreshingly un-girly, which is a very welcome balance to Elf’s more princessy friends.