1. Today my beautiful Armin and I celebrate 19 years together. We count that from the day we encountered each other at a party; technically it wasn’t the day we met – that was at another event about a year before – but I hadn’t really noticed him the previous time and didn’t really remember. (I was clearly very distracted.) On this occasion, when I saw him arrive at the party, I felt a magnetic compulsion: I have to go talk to that man. It was the oddest thing. It wasn’t even exactly attraction, as I normally experienced it, just… I have to go talk to that man. And by the end of that evening, it was: I think I’m going to spend the rest of my life with that man. Which was a bit confusing, since I really didn’t believe in Ever After. Nor in love at first sight. (I mean. Honestly.) And yet, here we are.
2. Last week was the first since October that I’ve gotten up at 5am every day. Well done, Robynn, and how do you feel? Are you just bursting with productivity? Um. Not entirely. I’ve certainly gotten a lot more done than in previous weeks, but not that much. My thoughts are still scattered and unfocused and I’m doing too much Twitter. Got to kick that dopamine habit. Got to make myself some RULES.
3. Still, though, I have one new pattern almost ready to go (as soon as I get the tutorial photos done), am about halfway through the sample for another (which took a lot of swatching to get the stitch pattern just right) and have made good progress with another. All very well, these things, but I’m still behind. Will I always be, or at least feel, behind? Is that just the way it is, when you’re self-employed? I don’t think so, I really don’t. I think I can get ahead if I just… focus.
4. I have very mixed feelings about this article, tweeted by Shannon to a resounding chorus of “OHHH THAT EXPLAINS ME”. And I have to start by acknowledging that it could be I’m rejecting the whole idea only because I don’t care to apply it to myself, which is obviously stupid; I do realise that not everything is about me, I do. But. Feelings mixed. The characteristics described – daydreaming; tendency to make careless mistakes; difficulty following instructions; getting overwhelmed by day-to-day life – are so very generic, it seems like it must apply to a whole huge slew of the population, and I’m not convinced that turning a personality trait into a disorder is helpful. Then again, identifying a neurobiological cause for what otherwise seems like a guilt-inducing, productivity-destroying personal failing is good, right? Especially considering how prevalent depression and low self-esteem (cited in this article as common effects of undiagnosed ADHD in women) are among the creative people I know and follow. So that makes sense. But still. Mixed. Feelings.
5. Living in a different country to all your various family members in their various countries is possibly not an ideal choice for a person who hates using the phone. (Sorry, family.) If anyone can give me a neurobiological diagnosis for THAT I would leap on it. “I’m so sorry, I can’t answer the phone, I have CTI. What, you don’t know? Chronic Telecommunications Impairment. It’s a major disability. No treatment I’m afraid. How I suffer.”)
Woolly thoughts (and fuzzy logic) 