It’s been four weeks without 5 things, and that’s quite enough of that. I’m still not entirely sure of whether I can or should take the time for this every single week (time has really been exceeding scarce lately), but I missed it, and if I don’t keep up the weekly habit there’s a danger of never blogging at all. (One reason I keep recommending a 5 things habit to other bloggers is that it neatly bypasses the whole “but I don’t have anything to write about really so maybe I’d better wait until I do” thing. Just write, write every week, write about nothing, but write.)
Let it be noted however that time will remain scarce for the next two months. There’s a fair chance I’ll skip a week here or there, and that’s just how it is.
Two months = 3 weeks remaining of school + 5 weeks of holiday. And then kindergarten starts. I am, as you already well know, Very Excited. I’m also really looking forward to being able to properly schedule my time again, finally. Since high school I’ve been quite disturbingly into drawing up highly detailed and unrealistic schedules for myself. It occurred to me t’other day that that’s half of why I get so irritated by the plague of productivity blogs boastfully telling you how you too can Get Shit Done by blocking off hours for this and that. It’s not just that I’m sickeningly jealous of the time they have available to do stuff; I’m jealous of the pretty schedules themselves. Hello, I’m still 14 and want to do a nice homework planner with six different coloured pens! You understand. (I won’t have a pretty multicoloured schedule for my weeks now. My schedule’s just not that complicated. But still!)
Today was my third last morning alone with Max. He has playgroup four times a week – Mondays are our day to hang out, just the two of us. Don’t imagine it’s all sunshine and cuddles, of course, it’s more like grocery shopping and whining and mutual frustration… and some cuddles. And I’ll honestly miss it. A bit.
Something else I just realised in a Twitter convo this weekend? Why this stage of my life is so scary. I always said, being in your 20s is scary because one of life’s biggest stressors is worrying about the future, and in your 20s it’s all future. Well, it’s a bit like that now: my old career is pretty much over and thanks to a combination of childcare+language+global publishing decline factors, I need to somehow start over on something new. No urgency, but that’s the situation. I really don’t know where to begin, and starting out at 41 is a lot harder than 21, especially with kids involved.
On the plus side, though, the past two decades have left me with a lot more perspective and a lot more confidence. So I know things will work out, one way or another. At least, most of the time I know that.