Spring has finally, definitely, absolutely sprung, and it is glorious. It even happened on the weekend, cunningly timed for Pfadis (scouts) and lakeside wanderings and such. Very nice. Very nice indeed.
I am, however, decidedly lacking in springtime bounce. Mostly, I think, because of all the great uncertainty hanging over me. Which is silly, since there’s absolutely no cause for stress! Maybe good things will happen, and if they don’t, life is still fine and in many ways easier! But I reeeally suck at waiting for answers, and with some of the waiting carrying on for months now, I’m not so much struggling to stay focused as failing to even try.
I finally had that interview for the second of two possible jobs. Both are in banking (not an environment that’s ever really appealed to me), but both interviews were with very nice people and went well. Both left me thinking: yeah, I could do this, this would not suck. I would not be so very out of place. It’s encouraging. And both times, the interviewers were definitely selling themselves to me, rather than grilling me, which is clearly a good sign. But still: it’s far from a slam dunk. And now we wait. Again. More.
I quit the freelance job I’d taken. On paper that’s a ridiculous move; it was decent, reliable money, not arduous, and more or less relevant to my career. They also seemed like good people, with a supportive structure. But it was stressing me out to a quite unreasonable degree. I can’t quite unpack how much of that stress was intrinsic to the job, how much was particular to me (I mean, no reasonable person cares that much about having to make phone calls) and how much was related to the feeling that I might have to quit soon anyway if I get one of those banking gigs… it’s possible that without that uncertainty, I could have made the mental commitment to make it work. But since it really wasn’t working, I’m very glad I quit; I instantly felt, breathed and slept better. At the same time, though, I feel like I made an awkward and deeply unprofessional mistake, which might have been taking it or might have been quitting, but either way. Not great. But I’m still much happier now.
Although still acting like a useless person, pretty much; I’m not managing to work much or go running or feed myself and my kids very well or keep the flat in any kind of order. I’m just Not Feeling It. ‘Sabout time I snap out of this. Like, any time would be fine. Really. Any day now.