The interviewing process has brought a very unpleasant experience of viewing myself through outside eyes. I keep looking in the mirror and seeing this awkward middle-aged dumpy woman with weird greyish blotchy skin and puffy eyes. (OK, that last part might be just this past week, I was a bit under the weather.) You’re supposed to gain confidence and authority in your career as you age, right? Except, not so much after taking a not-entirely-planned career break. Even though I’ve been working constantly, I’ve been out of the office environment (and out of formal rung-climbing) and it’s not really great trying to get back in. When I left I was youngish and upwardly mobile; doing pretty well for myself. Now I’m this frumpy hausfrau banging on the door while the train carriage full of energetic young career climbers pulls away without me.
LORDY AM I EVER MELODRAMATIC. I’m getting interviews; that’s good. People are impressed with my varied and interesting CV; that’s good. I can show that I haven’t just been sitting around. And plus, even if I feel like I’ve lost a decade, I’m still only halfway through my working life. I did a lot in that first decade or so; it’s reasonable to assume I can do a lot in the next two. What’s your damage, Heather!
Still, though, the whole thing is really quite exhausting. Exhausting enough that I rather enjoyed sitting around in a spa doing nothing for a few hours today. No, honestly, that’s quite unusual for me. I like massages, but just lolling around naked, wandering between sauna “experiences” and the relaxation lounge – no. Come on. I must be DOING. But it’s very much Armin’s thing, and he had a free day pass for two, and as I say, I was actually tired enough to enjoy it. (I mean. I had my knitting with me, obviously. I can’t do NOTHING nothing.)