I have definitely passed through the panic stage of the new job. I know this because I have reached the bored stage. Which isn’t fair or necessary, it’s not intrinsically boring, but things have quietened down enough that I’m not riding on adrenaline and that gives me time to get fed up with sitting in the office when I have all these other things I could be doing. And now you know why I have so strenuously avoided taking a full-time job in my 20-year working life. I’m much happier packing 4 or 5 days of work into 3 days, and then having 2 days free to do my own stuff. Just too bad nobody wants to pay me a 5-day salary for that.
At least this full-time thing is only temporary, and very likely more temporary than planned. I seem to suddenly have three job prospects. One of them is practically at the you’re-hired stage (final interview this afternoon), one close behind, and the third is still a bit more nebulous than that, but that’s the one I really want. It’s also the one that came to me, entirely out of the blue, which was a bunch of fun in itself. I’ve never been Approached before. I feel very grown-up and important.
All these possibilities are exciting and all, but also frankly exhausting. Literally. I haven’t been sleeping well, because my mind is too busy running loops trying to work out childcare and negotiations and such. And before this week I wasn’t sleeping well because my mind was too busy dealing with all the new work stuff. Basically I am wound up TIGHTTT and kind of need a really long massage followed by a day-long nap. Taking a good long run would probably achieve the same result, but I have to somehow find the energy to put my running shoes on first. And the time.
Good lord, finding the time. Nothing is getting done. Nothing. Even tiny little half-hour tasks just have to be skipped because suddenly something else needs to happen instead. I haven’t watched any TV in weeks, I just collapse into bed. Keeping the household more or less ticking along and keeping myself presentable for work is a huge challenge. Thank goodness I can knit on the bus. Without that I’d feel even more ragged.
So I’m really rather looking forward to quitting my full-time gig, but yeah, I do feel bad about it. Ditching a maternity cover gig two months in… that’s just rude. And I happen to know that they have astonishingly high staff turnover, which… does that make it better or worse? They’ve got to be used to it. But also, someone else is leaving at the same time I might be, I hate to add to the stress. Yeesh.