Off schedule and off balance: 6 things 14.8.18

  • Very very glad to have six days off at home after a six-day holiday. Largely, but not only, because of houseguest during the week before we went away (and accompanying us on the holiday itself). It’s very ungracious of me but I do find it frustrating having people occupying my study so I can’t get anything done – even more so in current state of overload. In any case we got back to a mountain of Stuff to sort out, ranging from medical (annoying eye stuff) to bureaucratic (masses of paperwork for new job). Just as well I have a few days to deal with it all.
  • Although I also have stuff to do with the kids, who after all are also still on holiday. I foolishly made a Big Summer List with them of things to do before the new school year – some of it fun (picnics, popsicles, painting) and some of it not (mending, tidying). I’m actually quite pleased with the progress made, but we still have to make pizza from scratch and paint T-shirts. Both of which are theoretically in the fun column, but you know.
  • Am feeling distinctly unsettled, anyway. Cocktail of that Things To Do feeling (why is there always so much to do?) + approaching new job nerves + frustration at lack of progress on rather important big knitting thing + bad news about another big knitting thing that I was really excited about but now won’t happen. Is not my fault, is nobody’s fault, just bad luck. Very disappointing. But so what? I have a new job, I basically have to realign my priorities anyway, don’t I? Hm.
  • Luxury Kinderhotel is a weird experience. Basically good – there’s phenomenal value to be had just from being somewhere that is entirely for children, so you don’t constantly stress about whether they’re disturbing anyone. And luxury is obviously luxury. But there’s also this feeling that dammit, with all this entertainment and babysitting on offer, clearly as parents one should be able to do what one wants almost all the time, and funnily enough it still doesn’t work out like that. Partly because of needing to accommodate the entire family’s wishes, Nana included, and partly because the kids don’t necessarily want to go to the kids’ club that often – they’d rather be with parents, which is actually kind of nice, if inconvenient – and partly because, well, any time you have five people to please, compromises must be made. So there’s a certain amount of inevitable disappointment. But it’s good. But weird.
  • I decided against booking a massage, or a pedicure, or anything. They were expensive and I needed the time to knit (deadline!), but I don’t even know if I really wanted one. Although I love massages and pedicures. But somehow these days, I am not in the zone. I am in a space where it’s just not relaxing to take “me time” like that; the only way to de-stress is to take time to actually Get Shit Done. Except of course there’s always more shit that needs doing, and that’s a problem, but still: time out doesn’t help. Armin, on the other hand, is a mad spa addict, and has now introduced Elfling to the joys of sitting quietly sweating, and she’s totally hooked. So weird to me. I can absolutely enjoy a sauna after a good workout, but just hanging out there in a series of hot rooms and icy showers for a couple of hours? How bizarre. And how boring. 
  • Bonus Thing: I found my fucking keys. Which is a surprisingly large relief, even though I already spent $$$ on replacements (the house key is super fancy and I ordered two) and faced the judgement of my friends, neighbours and co-workers for losing them in the first place, and even though arguably I should have managed to find them on one of the three times I searched the car for them. (They’d fallen out of my pocket, as suspected, into the tiny little hollow by the seatbelt buckle. As NOT suspected or searched.) There’s really no reason to feel relieved about having found them, at this point, except that this is the least stupid of all the possible stupid ways I thought I might have lost them, and finding them somehow gives me hope? I have been amazingly stupid and clumsy lately, way more than usual (which is saying something – I’m really very clumsy), and I just want to believe that the stars have realigned and I might possibly get back to normal now.

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