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OVER IT: 5 things 5.11.18

  • I had a total meltdown last week over something completely minor, but what I was really mad about was being told off for my “tone” in a very patronising and whiny way. I absolutely lost it. This is a situation that I bet every single woman reading this can relate to: the tone policing, the unshakable belief that the dude in the room is 100% reasonable and the woman is… not. I won’t get into the details (and it’s fair to say that I would not come off particularly well) but I will tell you that I kept yelling, as I have done at least one other time, “I AM OVER THIS SHIT. I AM ALLOWED TO BE ANGRY.”
    What I don’t really know is why I lost it so very much this particular time. I went from zero to 100 in nullkommanix,* and really, there was no reason for me to react so strongly to just a minor dose of everyday bullshit. I wasn’t pre-menstrual. I wasn’t particularly tired or stressed. I just suddenly felt very, very, very sick of being a woman in this world. It’s a shit fucking time for us. I am OVER IT.
  • Also pretty demoralized by all the random peripheral shit that’s making my work life annoying, none of which is the actual work. It’s seemingly endless IT problems and such. Have you ever had a time where all kinds of little things kept going wrong, adding up maybe to bigger things, and a general sense that the universe was trying to get your attention and tell you to STOP whatever you were doing and try something else? Yeah… I mean you probably don’t go in for so much woo, but I do, I really do, only now it’s a bit confusing because the universe literally threw this job in my lap so, like, what’s with the mixed messages, dude?
  • Ah well. I’m just not feeling very well, basically. Physically or mentally. Nothing terrible! Just a bit low. Despite being down to just the one job and no great pressure on the knitting or any other front, I’m still surprisingly tired. And as I tweeted last week, experiencing a powerful seasonal DON’T WANNA. I would probably feel a lot better if I could push past the procrastination and get a few boxes ticked off, but… it’s November, dude. DON’T WANNA.
  • I am also not really interested in anything fun right now. Anything at all. I go though phases of being wildly into pushing myself to be creative and stretch myself and Do Stuff and then I go through phases of… Not. Not actually wanting to do anything or talk to ANYBODY. Guess which one I’m in now.
  • This coincides with a phase of feeling like everyone else is better than me at basically everything, so, you know. Probably time for a social media break. (Blogging doesn’t count.)

 

Ie 0.0 seconds. I freaking love this German word.

No 18 of #reallynot52recipes: cheesy cauliflower fritters. Came out better than expected and the kids didn’t hate them! Given their severe cauliflower resistance, I’m calling that a win. 

5 thoughts on “OVER IT: 5 things 5.11.18

  1. HUGS, girl. Hang in there. You don’t need to make any rash decisions. Not that you asked for advice, but I had some ideas…. Have you gotten out for a run lately? I know the weather is turning, but I remember sometimes for ME personally a good workout can flip my mood around considerably. If that is not possible, try and eat something healthy yet yummy, and get to bed early one night. Sometimes the physical issues can drag down the brain with it!!!! MORE HUGS!

    1. Oh don’t worry, I’m not in any danger of chucking my job or similar. Just having a grump. And no, I haven’t been running in a while, and haven’t been eating well, which obviously doesn’t help! It’s part of the big DON’T WANNA, and also part of being still rather very tired. But yes, it would help, wouldn’t it?

      I HAVE been to bed early a few nights – like 9pm – and it hasn’t helped yet… especially since the first time, I then lay awake from about midnight till 2am! Grrr…

      I am Taking Steps, though. I cleared my desk yesterday (like seriously CLEARED), which immediately makes me feel waaaaay better. I’ve also started a meditation practice, just to see what happens.

  2. I’ve always found that a period of intense work / stress leaves me burnt out for a long time afterwards, in precisely the way you describe. Maybe you are in recovery from the very very hectic time you had before all the jobs resolved, and you need to view yourself as convalescent for a while.

  3. Hope those feelings settle down quickly. Go with some low standards and idleness where you can maybe? (I’m a natural, but still get blue, so probably rubbish advice).
    Hope also that you scared the shot out of the representative man, just for a moment?

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