Double time: 5 things 12.11.18

  • I’m working 80% now. Like, NOW. Here’s the latest rollercoaster twist in the story of my 2018: Last Monday morning I finished up some freelance work; on Wednesday I very consciously enjoyed the pure freedom of having no kids and no commitments, thinking that I’d luxuriate in doing nothing for a couple of days and then this week, start some projects (eg sewing) on my free mornings. To make the most of this time while I still have it. Since I’d probably be asked to increase my hours early next year.
    On Thursday I was asked to double my hours… immediately.
    So I guess I’m going to have to either give up on sewing, or put on my big girl pants and tackle it on the weekends with the kids around. We’ll see.
  • It’s good news! It means we should be able to buy a property soon, if/when we find something suitable. It’s very good for my future career prospects, and should mean more interesting projects in current job. It’s good. And yet. Damn. I really liked the whole 40% thing. I wish I’d had it just a little bit longer.
  • Still, I’m home a fair bit and enjoying my kids. Friday afternoons are turning out very… mommyish, in a nice way. C has riding, M judo, and I quite enjoy seeing them do their stuff. Frankly, they blow me away. Not because they’re particularly talented, but because of the spirit in which they do things. C has an amazing capacity for focus: she is fully present in what she does, quite un-self-conscious. …And then sometimes she’s bored or distracted or silly. I mean, obviously. But when she’s learning something, she is INTO IT and does the thing with every atom of herself; no awkward “don’t look at me” vibes, just complete commitment. M, well, he doesn’t have that; but he does have a beautiful cheerful willingness to get involved, which probably only seems special to me because I know that he’s actually feeling really shy. But he doesn’t show it. He makes the choice to take a risk, put his hand up, talk to a stranger, get involved.
    I was the kid who was always cripplingly shy, ridiculously self-conscious, so this behaviour from each of them seems like a complete freaking miracle. My kids are MAGIC.
  • I’ve also been feeling quietly awed, all over again, by how lucky I am to live where I do. So many little moments of beauty. From seeing snowy Alps in the (far!) distance on my commute, to cycling past autumn forests on the way to riding (we live just a short bike ride away from the stables, that in itself is awesome), to catching a beautiful silver moment on the river as I ran a lunchtime errand… it’s so stupidly gorgeous all around!
  • Things I am not impressed with right now: me. Still having weird tech issues and I can’t shake the sense that the problem is between computer and chair – I have done all the suggested fixes, I have had people remotely take over my computer, etc etc, nothing has helped, and I genuinely can’t see what I’ve done wrong? Yet I am still somehow convinced this is going to end with me in a puddle of humiliation. Also: I started the year planning minimal consumption, but I have bought A LOT of books, clothes,* everything. Even yarn, and we all know I have Enough Yarn. Have I read the books? Knit the yarn? No. They just keep piling up, while I fritter away time on Twitter. I mean, I love Twitter, but dude. Get a grip.

Ok let’s make allowances here, back to work and all that. But still. 

6 thoughts on “Double time: 5 things 12.11.18

  1. I can’t bear the thought of you giving up on sewing! (Is true, sewing is to me what knitting is to you, so I’m biased… but still.) Sure, it’s hard when you don’t have a dedicated space for the machine sewing part, and it can be fiddly at times… but when the pattern works and the fabric falls into the right place… it’s magic! Keep at it. We can sew our way through the first Tilly and the Buttons book, if you like…

    I hear you on the wanting to consume less, but books. I’ve lost count of how many sewing, costuming, or textile books I’ve bought this year. Still. Books.

    1. I am not necessarily giving up on it, just… It’s not top priority! Give me a little while to settle down into new routine and figure out how I can fit sewing in. 😊

      1. Yus! She isn’t giving up on the sewing! I totally understand how it isn’t a priority though. Let me know when you’re settled. Okay? (Whenever you’re ready. Not that I’m being pushy, or anything.)

    2. PS Re the books problem: I’m pretty sure that for me at least, this is very much stress-related. I’ve been flailing about in a very busy period and ordering All The Books as a kind of displacement activity for the leisure time I didn’t actually have. New strategy: trying to physically step away from computer a LOT more and pick up a book instead of my phone. Also trying meditation, and hoping that both of those things will help me calm down and slow my mind a bit, which (I hope) will support that less-Twitter-more-reading habit building.

      1. I too have been ordering All The Books. They’re just so juicy with possibility, I can’t help myself. *sigh*

        I’m curious to know which meditation technique you’re trying. (By technique, I mean – doodling, walking a specific path you know really well, sitting and listening to guided meditations…?)

        1. I’m using the 1giantmind app for now – not really guided but a timed meditation with mantra and very very quiet sounds

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