Double time: 5 things 12.11.18

• I’m working 80% now. Like, NOW. Here’s the latest rollercoaster twist in the story of my 2018: Last Monday morning I finished up some freelance work; on Wednesday I very consciously enjoyed the pure freedom of having no kids and no commitments, thinking that I’d luxuriate in doing nothing for a couple of days and then this week, start some projects (eg sewing) on my free mornings. To make the most of this time while I still have it. Since I’d probably be asked to increase my hours early next year.
  On Thursday I was asked to double my hours… immediately.
  So I guess I’m going to have to either give up on sewing, or put on my big girl pants and tackle it on the weekends with the kids around. We’ll see.
• It’s good news! It means we should be able to buy a property soon, if/when we find something suitable. It’s very good for my future career prospects, and should mean more interesting projects in current job. It’s good. And yet. Damn. I really liked the whole 40% thing. I wish I’d had it just a little bit longer.
• Still, I’m home a fair bit and enjoying my kids. Friday afternoons are turning out very… mommyish, in a nice way. C has riding, M judo, and I quite enjoy seeing them do their stuff. Frankly, they blow me away. Not because they’re particularly talented, but because of the spirit in which they do things. C has an amazing capacity for focus: she is fully present in what she does, quite un-self-conscious. …And then sometimes she’s bored or distracted or silly. I mean, obviously. But when she’s learning something, she is INTO IT and does the thing with every atom of herself; no awkward “don’t look at me” vibes, just complete commitment. M, well, he doesn’t have that; but he does have a beautiful cheerful willingness to get involved, which probably only seems special to me because I know that he’s actually feeling really shy. But he doesn’t show it. He makes the choice to take a risk, put his hand up, talk to a stranger, get involved.
  I was the kid who was always cripplingly shy, ridiculously self-conscious, so this behaviour from each of them seems like a complete freaking miracle. My kids are MAGIC.
• I’ve also been feeling quietly awed, all over again, by how lucky I am to live where I do. So many little moments of beauty. From seeing snowy Alps in the (far!) distance on my commute, to cycling past autumn forests on the way to riding (we live just a short bike ride away from the stables, that in itself is awesome), to catching a beautiful silver moment on the river as I ran a lunchtime errand… it’s so stupidly gorgeous all around!
  
• Things I am not impressed with right now: me. Still having weird tech issues and I can’t shake the sense that the problem is between computer and chair – I have done all the suggested fixes, I have had people remotely take over my computer, etc etc, nothing has helped, and I genuinely can’t see what I’ve done wrong? Yet I am still somehow convinced this is going to end with me in a puddle of humiliation. Also: I started the year planning minimal consumption, but I have bought A LOT of books, clothes,* everything. Even yarn, and we all know I have Enough Yarn. Have I read the books? Knit the yarn? No. They just keep piling up, while I fritter away time on Twitter. I mean, I love Twitter, but dude. Get a grip.

* Ok let’s make allowances here, back to work and all that. But still.