I keep thinking as soon as I’m done with [THING], I’ll find my balance. But of course there’s always another thing. So the challenge is to find my balance even as life keeps swinging wildly around, and work out how to keep organised and calm anyway. Hooray for meditation, I guess. (Did I mention the meditation? It’s a thing I’m trying. Not entirely sure what I’m getting out of it, but I enjoy it, so I carry on.)
It’s too early for big year-end introspection but given all the upheaval, I am already thinking a lot about next year. It’s so very tempting to believe that we can magically wish ourselves into being better people come January. Despite years of experience. 2019 will be the one, though, I know it. By 2020 you won’t even recognise me.
I’m also very much focused on clearing the decks before year-end. As far as possible. Which honestly isn’t that far. I have a lot of outstanding projects (work, fun, um… sewing) and as delightful as it would be to sweep them all into either a tub marked DONE or the one marked NOT GONNA HAPPEN – well, that’s not gonna happen. I guess it’s okay to still have some stuff to do in 2019, right? I mean it sounds reasonable and all, and yet. I would be so happy to have a clean slate. Why can’t I be a person who just hangs out and has actual leisure time, why.
In non-navel-gazing news, I took Elfling to see Swan Lake last night. At the Volkshaus, which – I now know – is a far more low-key affair than your traditional opera house. No orchestra, even. It was a travelling production (from Kiev) and it was fine. Not the dazzling ballet experience I’d hoped for, but pretty, and an interesting contrast to the very modern dance we took her to earlier AND ANYWAY it just really struck me how Tchaikovsky has NO RESPECT WHATSOEVER for Chekhov’s gun rule. I mean honestly.