We’ve done an excellent job in the past week of resting and recharging – just holing up and quietly enjoying each other’s company and doing whatever we feel like. Sudden chickenpox onset thwarted certain plans (Grampa visit, circus, theatre), which is a bit rubbish, but the invalid seems to be feeling completely fine (though itchy) and the extra hibernation has done nothing but good. In fact, the longer the holiday goes on, the better we’re all getting at enjoying it. I’m learning to sleep past 7. The kids are playing together very happily and imaginatively for hours. It’s blissful. I’m a bit gutted to think it’s back to work (though not to school) in half a week.
While hibernating I have been trying very hard not to fret too much over work stuff. I’m very pleased to be back in work. I’m (re)learning a lot about myself, we’re suddenly in a much better position to possibly buy a home in 2019, I’m much happier. But there’s still a huge question mark over whether I’m in the right job, and how long I can stick it out if I figure I’m really not. So the challenge is just to keep my head down and get on with it and not stress. But still I fret.
Last year I set myself all these challenges (a photo a day, cooking etc) and this year I am determined to attempt not one thing. I’ll keep up the meditating. I’ll make an effort to run regularly. (How does a working mom find the time? I mean it’s clearly possible – hi Rachel! – but SERIOUSLY.) I’m still keen to do a little, a very little, drawing. But I have absolutely no Goals or Projects. In fact my main ambition is to do and try less.
Same applies to designing. My goal for 2018 was “quality not quantity”, which went pretty well. For 2019 I have a whole slate of things lined up, but they’re pretty low-key things, including a bunch of translations or alternate versions of existing designs. That should leave me time to potter around in the background on bigger designs for later release, and for knitting just for actual fun. What a concept.
In sum: keep working, do my best, keep trying to figure out how I can turn this job into something I actually care about. Spend less time at my computer or on my phone, and more time reading or knitting. That’s been working out extremely well over the break. Just try to find space in my life for more fun, less pressure. Even – especially – when the pressure’s all self-imposed.