I’m getting pretty good at conserving my energy, if you understand that to mean assiduously employing the fuckit principle. And just putting my head down and stubbornly plodding away one step at a time on everything I can’t say “fuck it” to. I hate having such a long to-do list, and I hate not being able to sweep madly through things, but there’s something to be said for just focusing on the job in front of me. And trying not to think about how much I want a rest, and how much there still is to do before I get it.
I am now in Davos. It’s ski break time. Except for me, because Big Stupid Work Project still needs me, apparently. So I’m at least working with a view. Worse: there was a bit of work drama around even getting this far; I won’t get into it but UGGGHHH. Annoying and 100% unnecessary.
Big Stupid Work Project will apparently be running two weeks over, so it’s going to be three more weeks from now until I get free. At which point I rather think I’m going to throw all my stored up leave at them and swan off entirely. I still don’t know what’s happening from April, but I would very much like it to be Not This, Please.
Of course the lack of salary will be a big problem again on the mortgage front because no, no we are not buying the don’t-love-it house. Armin woke me up at 1am to say so. So I can’t argue with a gut feel that strong. And I really don’t care about that house, but I do wish very much that we’d had the chance to wrap things up before I am again payslip-less.
Uncertainty. A full year of it and not over yet. No wonder I’m still so freaking tired.