I’ve been spending a lot of time in my head (I’m not sure how that’s even possible, with life being so crowded, and yet) and finding myself wishing I were writing something. Like, a book. Not that I have a specific plan for a book, although then again, I have about half a dozen plans for possible books. (Mostly knitting.) My brain is just going into writing mode a lot, but since I’m not actually writing, that’s not a lot of use. Should I be actually writing? Not sure I should, no. I have a list of like five things I really, really care about doing atm and honestly at least two of them are higher priority. I think when Max started kindergarten I had a grand plan for how I was going to carve out blocks of time to work on each of my Things on different days, and of course it never happened. I’m now pretty sure that’s not a viable way to get any big things done. What works is making ONE thing the priority, and dividing available time into either doing the thing, or rest and leisure and filling the well. Otherwise it’s just constant exhaustion and lack of focus and guilt, but also no actual rest, so everything sucks.
One thing out of the current work shitshow that I think is actually working for me, more or less, is that I am slowly learning to be a bit more sensible with my time and energy. I’ve said before how I’m just plodding along carefully on the things I have to do, and focusing on the Just One Thing is a big part of that. Taking care to take time off is another. If I unexpectedly get to leave work a couple of hours early, I don’t try to work on a personal project for two hours. I rest. Take a nap. Read. Knit. Whatever. I badly need that. So I take it. Also, buying a dessert is 100% an acceptable alternative to cooking three courses, this is worth remembering. (To be clear: no, the cake does not replace all three courses. Although…)
Still dreaming about how great it would be to have some time between jobs, of course. And of course if I did have that I’d just immediately be panicking about never working again. But oh, wouldn’t it be lovely.
Having had a bit of a work hiatus this week (lots of waiting, basically no actual work; being on full-time standby is annoying but still) I am happy to report that (a) there is nothing wrong with me, I am not ALWAYS exhausted, only when life is exhausting, and (b) there is nothing wrong with me, I am still capable of getting shit done and ticking off the to-do list, when work isn’t solidly kicking my butt. This is nice to know! I was wondering.
Now girding loins for the next week, because hiatus is officially over, and somebody is about to turn 10…