Insecurity at a high last week, self-esteem at a low. No particular reason, other than a disappointing pattern release (but not only that). Almost certainly hormone-related. But knowing that everything is basically ok and I’m doing basically fine basically doesn’t help, does it.
Occurred to me though that the one thing I’m hardly ever insecure about is my kids. I am definitely not the most together mom around, but the kids are 110% okay and know that they are hugely loved and capable, and honestly, that’s all I really care about. Considering the pre-baby anxiety I had about my future parenting, this is brilliant.
Work also ended the week on a slight up, with good feedback on a tiny, trivial little task I’d taken on – not entirely trivial in that it will make for a better experience for new joiners in my team, which matters, but it’s not exactly a big work product. But still, I did good, and when you’ve gotten used to everything going to shit, tiny things can be really quite reassuring.
Similarly, I got an unexpected email from a popular dyer offering yarn support. This is still a great novelty (when coming from someone I don’t already have a relationship with) and delivered a welcome motivation boost. Not sure anything will come of this particular offer, but it made me feel like I’m doing something right.
Also managed to go running twice last week and picked up a bit of speed. I don’t focus on speed at all – I’m more interested in just getting out there often, and building distance. But it is very satisfying to feel my pace naturally picking up. I’m on track (so far) to hit my goal of 400km for the year, and starting to wonder how fast I’ll be by the end of it.