It occurs to me that my biggest problem with current work frustration is that I was too lucky at the start of my career. I lucked into doing something that I am really, really good at, and of course doing the job developed those particular skills further. Not just actual editing, but a particular way of working, with a focus on fast delivery and jumping in wherever needed. That was extremely valuable in a news production environment, but in the corporate world is actively not wanted, for reasons that are actually pretty reasonable (once you accept the basic ridiculousness of corporate life) – but it still goes against the grain for me personally. So given that journalism isn’t much of an option now (wrong country, wrong language – freelance for international markets is of course always possible but I want a JOB), I have entirely the wrong soft skills for the market I’m in. Leaving me with the uncomfortable feeling of being bad at the work generally, even while I’m good at the core stuff. But probably it’s mostly a question of having been a bit of a star performer, and needing to now adjust to being just fine. In other words, it’s back to the ego again. Ouch.
Armin reckons my problem is that I look at my experiences and draw conclusions from them (e.g., X went badly so I am bad at X), instead of just saying ok, that was that experience. But I mean… obviously I need to draw conclusions? Obviously I need to learn something from things that don’t work out? That’s kind of the only good thing about it? Even if what I’m learning is just that I’m bad at corporate shit… that’s something I need to know. Both so that I can improve in the necessary areas, and for the sake of helping me find a better fit. Why wouldn’t I want to draw conclusions?!
Aaaaaanyway. Must be something else I can talk about. I had a design submission accepted, which is fun, and gives me a Project for May/June. Not a big one, which is good, because I have other things to work on also. Like, um, job hunting. Bleurgh. So much for changing the topic.
We drove 1.5 hours on Saturday to go vote at the SA consulate. It did occur to me to wonder whether this was really an appropriate thing to do, given that we have not been greatly engaged with Saffer politics for a while now, and aren’t planning to live there again any time soon if ever, and all. But… of course we had to vote. We always vote. It’s our country and it’s what we do. So we spent the afternoon driving to Bern and back (with a little lunch stop at a roadside cafe with a fantastic view) and being very grateful for patient children.
I’m knitting on two non-dnesign projects, because I haven’t had time to do any of the planning work required for designing. I mean, of course I could have done that instead of knitting, but I have been very good about following my rule of staying off the computer in the evenings. It’s a good rule. I like it. I am looking forward to structuring my time anew once I’m off work – figuring out when is a good time to do what kind of work, or to go running, or to (gulp try sewing again. And going by past history, the moment I have a promising schedule all worked out, I’ll get a job and screw it all up again…
I mean. If I’m lucky.