Objectively, current state of unemployment is the absolute freaking ideal. Kids are in school. I have no immediate financial pressure. Is marvellous! I mean, there are downsides, but there’s a lot to enjoy, and I’m very conscious of how nice it is to have this alone time. I’ve been feeling a weird urgency to it; like I have to do all the relaxing and also all the productive stuff (freelance, design etc) before the end of the month, because right now I’m officially “on holiday” and who knows when everything will change again. But obviously there’s no chance I’m going to suddenly be employed from Monday, so really, chill, Robynn.
But don’t chill TOO much. I mean, there will be time for chilling also, but right now, there’s shit to do. Soooo much paperwork for the unemployment office, for a start. And so many pointless applications. (The rule is to apply for 10-12 jobs a month, which is a lot more than there are suitable positions advertised. My adviser understands that and suggests 5 instead. Still more than I think I’ll find.) Of course my CV and cover letter are already pretty well polished so it’s just a question of churning them out and documenting everything, and I can look at the RAV forms as handy project management tools to keep track of it all. But it is a tiny bit demoralising to have to tick off that many “rejected” boxes.
Also have a long list of personal (design) projects and freelance work. So really, not so much with the chill time. And yet I’ve mostly been working hard on merging those dragons. This is an exercise in frustration – it’s a very silly game in the first place, more so when I share it with the kids and Max tends to happily pop all the stuff I’ve been super carefully saving up to merge. And yet. I’m deeply invested.
From the above I think it’s fair to conclude that I do not deserve the gift of leisure time. I cannot be trusted with it. Of all the loooong list of things I always wish I could do if I only had time, “grinding away on a pointless iPad game” doesn’t exactly feature. But the curiosity! The curiosity gets me. What’s that weird mushroom going to merge into in the higher levels? I MUST KNOW.
Went to the circus on Saturday – the 100th centennial, so of course the presentation was all a bit extra. And yet I wasn’t quite as impressed as I’ve been on previous visits. (Funny thing, circus never crossed my radar in SA or London – other than a few awesome circus acts at Mimefest etc – but here it’s a real THING.) Armin said it was indeed very very, but somehow I didn’t feel it. I was constantly waiting for that act that would blow my mind, yet mind remained quietly unblown. It was all very good! Lighting, make-up, music, drama, spectacular feats of strength and daring. But meh. Am I just becoming old and jaded?