No more kindergarteners! The highlight of the Abschlussfest (which is always surprisingly nice actually) was having M’s teacher come sit with us and our besties, tell us how much she would miss our boys, and finally, finally invite us to duzen. (I.e. address her on first name terms. Yes, the whole thing of calling someone Sie or du can be verbed.) Such a weirdly gratifying moment, feeling that we have earned the teacher’s warm approval. I mean I knew already that she loves our kids. But still.
We are back on the house buying track and apparently the bank is willing to lend us money even if I don’t have a job? This is very confusing but yay! But really very confusing because apart from that oddity, we now have to make decisions about which house we want, and suddenly there are a whole bunch of options on the table. One of which we could rule out pretty quickly, but that still leaves two, each very appealing in very different ways. Confusing.
Not so yay, I’m in trouble with the unemployment office for not applying for enough jobs. Which is costing me 10 days’ allowance. Again, I get it, but it’s shit, because I really, really, really couldn’t be doing any more than I’m doing. I keep reminding myself that it doesn’t actually matter because I don’t need this allowance to pay the rent (I am so lucky, I KNOW), it’s just shit to deal with. So far I’ve been doing unemployment paperwork for two straight months (it’s a lot of paperwork) and I have yet to see a cent. Oh well. Just jumping through the hoops because that’s what we do, I guess.
I’m so freaking tired of social media. Everything is terrible and I feel like every time I log on, I’m either being sold something or told how to feel about something (always terrible). I deeply love social media, I need the friendships I’ve built there, but right now it’s all terrible. A lot of this is because really ugly stuff is unfolding on knitting Instagram and it’s actually pretty important, but that makes it harder. Switching off is an expression of privilege, and worse, it seems like by turning aside, I’m saying that stuff shouldn’t be talked about, or not still talked about, or not talked about like that, or something. None of which I believe. But I’m so freaking tired and I have nothing in me right now. I don’t feel equipped to engage with anything at all. So all of this makes it that much harder to dredge up motivation for design work, much less marketing on any level, and that (on top of everything else) means from day to day, I really don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my life. Except looking after my fantastic kids, obvs. They’re fantastic. So that’s good.
On Friday we hop on a plane to South Africa, for a three-week holiday (and the first trip back in five years, for the kids and Armin). I am very much looking forward to it but also slightly exhausted in advance, because these things usually aren’t very restful. Still, though, we will have slightly fewer people to visit this time round, and the kids are so much bigger now, so who knows… it might actually be… nice?