2020’s latest gift is a mystery skin itch that started (over two weeks ago) with hot ears – really, just burning hot ears, for no apparent reason, for a few days – and developed into, well, itching. All over my face, head and neck. Go figure. Doctor baffled (always such fun confusing the medical profession) but I am now seeing an acupuncturist and that actually helps. Always wanted to try acupuncture and indeed, it’s a delightfully spa like experience, with the weirdness of being a human pincushion satisfyingly balanced with odd floaty feelings. I’m a fan.
Not quite such a fan of the therapist’s “explanation” of the problem as being rooted in stress and emotional blockage. I mean, I don’t disagree, I’m already used to hearing that the scalp psoriasis is fundamentally a stress thing and won’t go away until I remove the stress. It’s just not very helpful. When you’re suffering from work stress, there is at least theoretically the option of quitting, or taking time off. When the stress comes from lack of work, and the long-term inability to find a job, being told that I have to solve that problem to stop my body falling apart… that doesn’t really reduce the stress. And what the fuck am I supposed to do about “emotional blockage”? I already have to do this exhausting balancing act, keeping up the job hunt while also embracing the reality that it’s not going to be solved easily or soon, and apparently my best efforts at zen acceptance are just “blockage”. Well, bollocks.
I hate writing about this because I imagine you, dear reader, wondering why I’m so totally failing to get a job and concluding I must be Doing Something Wrong. I mean, you and me both. Again, this is a big part of the stress. I know all the reasons it really is hard, but at some point you start to think they’re just excuses and I really do suck. Psychotherapist reckoned I wasn’t making excuses, which was comforting, but the question remains, why is it this hard? Is there literally nothing I can do?
Ah, fuck it all. Have some pretty snow.